One of my favorite things to tell clients is, “you are the most important part of any equation.” What I mean by this is you are literally and figuratively the most important person in your world. Your thoughts, your feelings, your expectations, your beliefs, your desires, etc. What you think, feel, and believe shape your entire perceived world.
In couple’s work, we talk about using “I” statements to make a needs request from your partner. In actuality, I believe whether your partner actually honors your request isn’t the most important part of this equation; the most important part of this equation is that you dug deep, touched your vulnerability, stayed within that space, and compassionately asked your partner what he or she could do to nurture, reassure, or add love to your world. You add love to your own world by hearing (acknowledging what you are feeling), honoring (accepting in this moment, this is what is coming up for you), and choosing your next course of action.
Does it sting if your partner does not meet your request? Sure, if this is what you focus on. What I encourage you to focus on instead is consistently tapping into your own needs and feelings in order to better understand and work through your pain. You can empower yourself by working toward meeting your own needs. You have that kind of power!
My wish for you is to make quiet reflective time for yourself, every day, so that you love and create with the most important person in your world. Over time, you might realize there’s a depth to you beyond your wildest imagination!
Here’s to you!