“Ain’t no hiding what you are. Day you try, is the day you die. Stand tall, smile bright, and let ’em wonder what secret’s making you laugh.” -Dan Brown, Angels and Demons
I had a conversation the other day with someone I admire about noticing judgments, labeling, and valuing/devaluing of others. There seems to be sometimes a pursuit of putting people into boxes and “trying to figure them out.” Outwardly, we live in such a multicultural society in which labels can’t capture the magnitude and magnificence that lives within All of us. Ultimately, my conclusion was, and still is, that others might try to fit me into a box, but it is my choice if I crawl into that box, stay in the box, or if I refuse to get in or shatter it all together. My life and my life lessons brought me to this conclusion.
If we look at life as a web, we ourselves co-create the design. We run into people, situations, and circumstances that seem ordinary, yet all involved have a part in that constructed reality. You’ve heard the phrase, there’s two sides to every story. Well, everyone’s story is different because everyone’s narratives in their head are different.
So, common sense? Not so common. Common sense is only common to each individual person.
This is why comparisons to others and their story typically don’t lead anywhere good. One exception to this might be if we allow ourselves to be inspired by someone else to do better for ourselves.
Your life and the lessons you encounter in life are specifically designed for you and your growth. When you engage in an action, or cause, you begin simultaneously creating the result. You yourself choose the action, and at the same time, begin to collect the fruits of your labor. This goes for everyone.
If you don’t like the story in your head, you can change it. You, yourself created the story, so you, yourself can shift the language in your head by turning the volume up on self-compassion, acceptance, and accountability, and turning down the volume on judgments, blaming, and shaming.
What you throw out into the world, like a boomerang, will return to you. Give kindness with a full heart, and kindness will be given back to you. The important part of this equation is to forgo any expectations or judgments in the process. By giving genuinely, life will give you back genuinely. By giving half-heartedly, life will give you back half-heartedly. In other words, the quality of your thoughts, words, and actions will be returned to you in a mirrored way.
When the language you choose with yourself becomes more loving, encouraging, and kind, your language and actions toward others will follow suit. Don’t be surprised if the world also seems more loving, encouraging, and kind, too.
I wish you a beautiful life.